October 7, 2008

New Definitions of Stock Market Terms

A fun email circulating trading desks, worthwhile as an informal measure of sentiment:

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, and the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

HT: Big Picture

6 comments:

jill said...

Wow, I had no idea that there were so many different definitions for words in this market. Some of them are rather humorous, but others just don't make sense right away. Take profit, a fine example of funny and nonsensacal, in that it is still used outside of this small econmic idea.

Jill E, hr. 5

jill said...

Wow. I didn't realize the econimists' idea of definitions was so different. Such as the word 'profit', or 'yahoo'. I do understand most of this was to be funny, but it showed me that a vast majority of the econ. words are different from their everyday use.

Jill E hr.5

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious, it's just a fun way to make light of the rigorous sotck market and it's terms.

Alyssa said...

This is funny. I especially like the 'Bear Market'. And the 'Broker'. I won't forget Cory G.'s face, "I don't get it. I'm 'Brok-er' but what does a broker do?"
So these are great-and comical- stories about the current stock market dilema, but none of them really talk about how they are going to affect the everyday person. What I want to know is how this is going to affect me. Do you know, Mr. Red?
Food for thought,
Alyssa M. ^th hour.

Anonymous said...

man i should buy some stocks right now... they're really cheap and i could be a millionair in the future
Mikhail M. Period 6

Anonymous said...

cory gossell
these were not only funny, but good ways to learn econ words.